Friday, January 18, 2002

The Second Funniest Thing I Saw While Visiting Florida

Custom Santa Suit, http://www.costumers.comImage via Wikipedia
While driving around during our visit to Florida, I was looking out the window taking in the scenery. Which for me meant picking out the restaurants I wanted to visit. I was carefully adding to this mental list when I saw it. The second funniest thing I saw while visiting Florida. A "Rent To Own Tire And Wheel" store. I had never seen a rent to own tire and wheel store before and the only thing I could think was, who would rent automobile tires?

I could understand the need to rent a car, a boat, golf clubs or any number of items you might need to use on a less than permanent basis. I have had reason to rent cars, surfboards and even a washing machine at some time or another myself. However I can not picture the circumstances that would cause me to consider renting tires. How would that even work? When you decide you don't need the tires anymore and return them, how do you get your car home? The whole idea was hard to comprehend.

After struggling for days to understand I think I finally figured it out. Now keep in mind this is only a theory and has not yet been proven. I think that this business is a secret government operation to draw out, identify and tag stupid people. You know, kind of like animal researchers do with wildlife. They catch them, tag them for identification and then monitor their movements. Same thing here except instead of wildlife, it's stupid people. What a great plan and it even pays for itself from the tire rentals. It's so simple, just open one these stores and wait for the stupid people to wander in. Rent them some tires and now you have their name and address, and even know what they look like. You might even get a picture. Catalog all this information and then distribute to all the smart people so we know who to avoid. They could even give them all the same brand of tire so that the rest of us might more easily identify them while driving. At least that is what I hope is going on, otherwise somebody is wasting a perfectly good opportunity to monitor stupid people in their natural environment.

So, what was the number one funniest thing I saw during my visit to Florida? That would have to be Christmas Eve when my sister Suzanne and her entire family show up wearing matching black pants, red shirts and Santa Claus hats. It was something right out of one of those sappy Christmas specials on TV. Without a doubt, the funniest thing I saw during the whole trip.
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