As the holidays began to approach, my mom began to ask if I was going to come to visit for Christmas. Well, I already had planned my recent trip to Las Vegas, so a trip to Florida in December seemed like a bit much to pull off, so I was noncommittal but did like the idea of spending Christmas with the folks.
During a call to mom a couple of weeks later, she mentioned that my sisters were thinking of going to Florida for Christmas and it sure would be nice if everybody could come. Well, my sister, Suzanne lives in Southern California and sister Leigh Ann lives in Alabama, so if they were going to go, then it would be nice to see them and it has been a long time since we all spent Christmas together.
On the next phone call, I was told that both my sisters were definitely going to Florida for Christmas and were making plane reservations or other travel arrangements right away. Well, if my sisters were going to find a way to go to Florida and since I certainly did not want to be the selfish, ungrateful sibling who could not make the trip, I committed to going to Florida for the holidays. All of us in the same house at Christmas would be great fun!
All was fine and dandy, and everybody was happy until .... my sisters and I began to call each other to talk about the trip. Each phone call between us seemed to go the same way. "I am so glad we are all going to be together for Christmas! I really can't afford to go to Florida right now but when I heard that everybody else was going, I did not want to miss out on the fun or be the bad child who would not go." Well, we may all be morons but it did not take long to figure out what had happened. We had been scammed, played off each other by our very own parents to get us all to go to Florida for the holidays. Each of us had received the same phone call informing us that the other two children were coming and how it sure would be nice if we all came. I am not sure who the mastermind of this plan was, but I'm putting my money on dear old Dad, it seems to fit with his style. I don't know who was the first of us to figure out what was going on but will credit it to Leigh Ann. She said that when she confronted Pop with the accusation he did not deny it and let out an evil little laugh.
So the whole family will be together for the holiday's, but some form of retaliation must be done for the blatant manipulation from those nice people I call my parents. We are still working on a plan but so far the best we have come up with is to go and eat all their food and leave the house messy when we go.
On my little trip to Las Vegas, I got to spend some time with my son in law. The 10 or so days I was there was the most time I had ever spent with the guy. In fact, this visit may have included more days around him than all of my previous time with him combined. It's not that I don't like my son in law, but just that he lives far away and my trips are normally short and focus more on my daughter than her husband. So far I like Ryan and as long as he keeps my daughter and granddaughter happy and healthy I will let him live. He was very polite and generous to me and my wife while we were visiting, as he should have been keeping in mind my protective nature towards my girls (wife, daughter & granddaughter).
The entertaining part of our visit, at least to me, was that my son in law is very into his new daughter and tries to do as much as possible to care for her. I know that sounds like a good thing, but in his overly ambitious effort to be as helpful and nurturing to his daughter as possible, he was asking for some serious trouble. Poor Ryan had failed to notice that the house also contained a new mother and grandmother who were in full on mommy and grandma mode respectively. The worst of which is a grandma who has to go home far away in a few days.
Being older and wiser and having lived with these women for some time I played it safe and held my granddaughter when she was handed to me, looked after her when asked, feed her when requested, but otherwise kept safely out of the mommy and grandma's way. Ryan, on the other hand, was taking his daddy role seriously and on several occasions walked right into the danger zone. Well, he is young and loves his daughter so I could only watch as he set himself up for the verbal abuse dished out to him after both mommy and grandma had reached their limits. Some things must be learned first hand.
So the fact that I found some entertainment in his getting yelled at by my girls and did nothing to prevent it, I will just consider it a perk of being the grandpa and hope I can be smart enough to avoid the same.
Father's Day is your chance to say or do something nice for the one man you can always count on, Dad! The guy who taught you how to ride a bike, throw a ball, or drive a car. The guy who looks forward to a nice mushy card and a tie for Father's Day.
Yea right! I don't know about your dad, but that is not mine. My dad never taught me to ride a bike or throw a ball and he doesn't want another tie. My dad had more important lessons to offer. Lessons such as a garden hose, a power nozzle and a bedroom window are perfect tools to wake up teenagers who try to sleep in on the weekends. If you ask your kids to sweep the driveway or patio, that sweeping up dry dirt and leaves is just too easy, get it wet first to make it more challenging. If you have an attractive daughter you can get several teenage boys to volunteer to help you do just about anything. If we are not catching any fish, it is because I am not holding my mouth right. Putting small bugs on your kids hamburger while it's on the grill and then waiting for them to ask what the crunchy stuff is, can be fun for the whole family.
He also taught me that if I did not sleep in his house on Christmas Eve that Santa would not know where to find me. This was a fun one to explain to my wife. He is the kind of dad who will wake you up at 5:30 on Christmas morning to tell you Santa had been there and if you did not get up right now he was going to play with all your stuff. If you were too slow in getting up or made the mistake of going back to sleep, he would get out your stuff and play with it. I don't think many kids had to try and beat dad to their toys on Christmas, but that's the way it was at my house. You may have guessed that my dad is not short on a sense of humor. In between teaching us how to take on the world he had quite a bit of fun giving us a hard time. I can only hope that your dad did just the same.
Happy Father's Day
My daughter Caroline and her husband Ryan as well the whole family are looking forward to the arrival of their first child in a few months.
Caroline called us this last night to inform us that the doctor had determined that she going to have a little girl. This being the case Caroline has been pushing family members to suggest names for this little bundle of joy. Anybody that knows me is well aware that this is not a question you wish to ask if you are looking for some sort of reasonable response.
While I am one of those who think that a person's name has a great influence on how they turn out, (how many great, talented people do you know named "Wilbur"?) I could not resist of offering up my suggestion and stating that my choice would come with the nick name of Happy Butt. That I would call the little girl Happy Butt and perhaps on her 12th or 13th birthday I would explain this nick name to her. Much to my dismay they have chosen to go with something else not having the foresight to allow me this well planned event. So, you want to know my choice in naming this child? It is all explained in the following joke.
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Happy Butt
This lovely little girl was entering class for the first time. A friendly little boy said his name was "David, what is yours?"
"Happy Butt" she says.
"Don't lie to me, that isn't your name! What is your name?"
"Happy Butt" she says again.
"I'm going to tell the teacher on you for lying!" he shouts. He gets the teacher and says she is lying to him about her name.
"What is your name?" asks the teacher.
"Happy Butt" says the little girl.
"No, no," says the teacher. "What is your real name?"
"Happy Butt" replies the little girl.
"Shame on you for lying." says the teacher. "You go straight to the principal's office right this minute!"
"Why are you here?" asks the principal of the little girl.
"They think I'm lying when I tell them my name is Happy Butt." said the little girl.
"Your name can't be Happy Butt" says the principal. "I'm going to call your mother right this minute and straighten this out. You mustn't lie to us about your name." The principal calls the mother and says, "We have your little girl here and she keeps telling us her name is 'Happy Butt.'"
"Oh, that must be Gladys," says the mother.
"Well, little girl, your mother says your name is Gladys," says the principal.
The little girl replies, "Happy Butt, Glad Ass, what's the difference?"
